


Memories

by WinryMarellie



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: F/M, Implied Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-04-18
Packaged: 2018-03-23 14:19:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3771421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinryMarellie/pseuds/WinryMarellie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Companion piece to my short story "Remember". This takes place in Haise's point of view during the events of "Remember". I highly recommend reading that piece before this one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memories

_My head hurts._

 

It aches as I try to remember a world of lost memories. Who was I? Where did I come from? Did I know the girl laying next to me?

My back faces you now, turned away and absent of your embrace. Why did I turn? Was it because I didn't want you to see me crying? Where do these tears come from, and why can't I control them? I was fortunate that you got up from our bed after we made love. I wanted to hold you, but I wanted a chance to turn away, and you gave it to me.

“The moon is full tonight.” You whispered in what sounded like forced words as you went over to open the blinds just moments ago. “Pretty, isn't it?”

I didn't respond and you fell silent, you returned to bed without a word and I felt like I must have upset you somehow. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't explain these thoughts to you.

There was a moment however, when I was over you, bodies intertwined as your fingers laced between mine, where I had sworn I seen you before. I felt as though I knew you as more than a coffee shop girl, and that perhaps we had a history together at some point in our lives. Did my fingers meet your skin back then? Did I kiss your lips and hold your waist? Did you smile at me the same broken smile you did tonight?

You looked heartbroken, and it hurt me. What did I do wrong? I don't want you to cry, because you seem like the type of girl who has done that far too much in your lifetime. I want to shower you in kisses and make everything alright in your world. Were you always this beautiful to me? Were you always this important?

I can't stop the tears despite how hard I try. I've squeezed my eyes shut trying to ignore them, looking for sleep as a salvation, but it's futile.

Are you still awake? I feel blankets cover my skin, and I can hear strains of heartache in your voice. It's a muffled sound, but you're crying like me, aren't you?

Did you touch my hair like this back then? I'd like to think so. You're fingers are soft and gentle as they tossle my hair against the pillow.

“Touka?” You're upset, aren't you? Your sounds are more audible now, even though I can tell you are trying to contain them. Don't hold your breath, it only makes me worry.

I look at you and you've covered yourself. You're looking at me as I place my hand to your cheek. Your mouth moved in a way that looked familiar, as if speaking a name I should know. Have I seen your lips call out to me like that before? God I wish I knew.

“What's wrong?” I manage to muster but it only breaks you. You're crying too but is it for the same reason? You touch my face, and realize something is troubling the both of us. I want to unlock a world of answers from behind your eyes, but it continues to remain hidden away from me.

“You don't remember do you?” you ask me and my head hurts. I'm missing something aren't I? There was something important that I want to remember but my mind won't let me. Who were you? Would I be happy where I am now?

“Remember what?” All I can do is play stupid. I want to tell you that I remember it all, but I can hardly remember your face. “What are you talking about, Touka?”

You seem defeated as you rest back to your initial position. “Of course...” God I want to pry you for information. You knew me, didn't you? “I don't know why I thought you would.” Please tell me who I was.

I want to kiss away your tears as I feel your skin against my lips. “Touka...” your name feels so familiar to me and yet so distant. I hope that somewhere, in the past, I must have whispered “I love you.” like I do to you now.

“I love you too...” You sound so defeated as you sit up, your bare body reflecting in the moonlight. I'm glad I have you now, even if I hate myself for now remembering someone as beautiful and perfect as you.

Your skin is against mine once more, and I find myself holding you close. My fingers play with your hair as I inhale your scent. It's nostalgic to me, like I'd smelled it a million times before. How can something seem so familiar yet distant?

My head hurts as I pull back to look at you. “Touka...” I say your oh-so-familiar name once more as I look into your eyes. They are broken, and I feel as though I'd see them like this so many times before. Just like when I saw you in the coffee shop that day.

 

And just like all those times I left you and walked away.

 

I left you, didn't I? My hands are at your waist as I look at you. “I'm sorry.” is the only thing I can muster as I kiss your cheek. How could I forget? How could I forget the hurt in your eyes as I turned my back to you so many times? I press my face to your skin, unable to control this sudden outburst of tears. I don't want you to see me, because perhaps I'm ashamed that it took this long for me to realize.

I'm holding the girl I thought I'd walked away from all those years ago, the girl that I thought I had left behind for the better, and yet, somehow I found my way back to her.

I kiss her skin again as I pull back to look at her. I can't control my tears as I look into her eyes. A sense of happiness flows over me as it mixes with the regret that filled me for so long.

“Oh my God, Touka...” I hold your face in my hands as I examine every detail. I never want to forget your face again. I never want to forget how important you were to me.

I want to kiss you eternally, and never let you go. I never want to see you fall to your knees as I walk away. Never again.

 

_I remember you, and I never want to forget._

 


End file.
